As women in leadership, particularly in male-dominated environments, it’s easy to feel unseen or unheard. However, it’s often not just external barriers - we also filter information through mental processes that affect how we interpret and respond to the world around us. The NLP Communication Model, which examines how we Delete, Distort, and Generalise (DDG) information, offers a powerful framework for breaking through these internal filters. By understanding how these filters work, you can take control of your leadership narrative, showing up with more clarity, authority, and authenticity.

Understanding the NLP Communication Model: DDG in Action

Our minds process millions of bits of information every second (for instance, we don’t consciously focus on our breathing or the sensation of our toes against our shoes). But we can only manage 5 - 9 pieces of information at a time. To reduce this overload, our brain filters data based on our beliefs, past experiences, and biases. While this filtering helps us handle complexity, it can distort our perception and impact how we see ourselves as leaders - and how we engage with others.

We naturally delete information that doesn’t align with our current beliefs about ourselves, others, or our role as leaders. Deletion helps us stay focused on what’s relevant by discarding distractions, but it can also mean that we unconsciously remove information that could be crucial for growth. Similarly, distortion and generalisation are not purely negative; they help simplify overwhelming information but can limit us when left unchecked.

Here’s how the DDG process works:

• Deletion: We unconsciously remove information that doesn’t fit our worldview or current focus.

• Distortion: We modify or misinterpret reality to match our expectations, often based on past experiences and current perspectives.

• Generalisation: We take a single event and apply it broadly to future situations - or across other areas of our lives, even if it’s not relevant.

This filtering allows us to function in a fast-paced world but can hold us back when we delete key information, distort feedback, or generalise past failures into current realities.

How DDG can Impact Your Leadership

Understanding how you filter information is critical for effective leadership. Are you ignoring important insights because they don’t align with your beliefs? Are you distorting feedback in ways that cause hesitation or self-doubt? These mental shortcuts can prevent you from being as visible, assertive, and strategic as you need to be.

Let’s break down how Deletion, Distortion, and Generalisation play out in leadership:

1. Deletion

We naturally delete information that doesn’t align with our current beliefs about ourselves, others, or our role as leaders. Sometimes, this process helps us focus on what’s relevant and discard distractions. However, by doing this, you might miss critical opportunities to broaden your perspective, hear new ideas, or see yourself in a new, more empowered light.

• How it holds you back: Imagine receiving positive feedback about your leadership, but you delete it because of old, unhelpful beliefs you have about yourself, such as lacking confidence or competence. Even when people acknowledge your strengths, you filter out the praise, focusing on the negatives. This limits your growth and prevents you from seeking new opportunities.

• How challenging it helps: By recognising when you’re unconsciously deleting feedback, you can challenge those assumptions and invite a more balanced view of your strengths. This helps you engage with positive input and fosters more self-assured leadership.

2. Distortion

Distortion happens when we modify or misinterpret feedback or situations based on our fears or biases. In some cases, distortion can help you make sense of overwhelming or complex situations by simplifying them. However, it’s essential to ensure this simplification is accurate.

• How it holds you back: If you’ve been told in the past that you’re “too aggressive,” you might distort even neutral or constructive feedback as a personal attack. This distortion can cause you to second-guess yourself or hold back in critical moments when you need to be direct or assertive.

• How challenging it helps: By catching yourself in the act of distortion, you can pause and ask clarifying questions. Is the feedback really criticism, or are you reacting defensively based on past experiences? Reframing feedback allows you to grow and adapt, rather than retreating.

3. Generalisation

Generalisation occurs when we apply one experience - positive or negative - across all future situations. For example, one tough executive meeting can make you assume every future meeting will be equally challenging, undermining your confidence and discouraging you from speaking up. On the other hand, generalising positive habits or strategies - like being assertive or well-prepared - can improve consistency in your leadership.

• How it holds you back: If a meeting didn’t go well, you might generalise the comments in the room, thinking, “No one takes me seriously” or “They always interrupt me.” These sweeping assumptions can cause you to disengage or stop speaking in future meetings or other leadership situations.
• How challenging it helps: Actively challenging generalisations helps you shift the narrative. Instead of assuming all meetings will go poorly, you can approach the next one with fresh energy and a plan to speak more assertively. For example, if you recently delivered a successful presentation, use that positive experience to boost your confidence in the next high-stakes meeting - like your first presentation to the board.

Breaking Free from Limiting Filters to Own Your Leadership

Being aware of these mental filters is your next step toward breaking free from them and using them to elevate your leadership. Once you understand how your brain deletes, distorts, and generalises information, you can start consciously challenging these habits and adopt a more empowered approach to leadership.

Here are three strategies to help you overcome DDG thinking and step into your leadership more fully:

1. Conscious Reframing

The next time you catch yourself thinking, "They never listen to me," pause and reframe that assumption. Ask yourself, “Is this really true, or am I reacting based on a past experience?” Challenge yourself to view each interaction as a new opportunity for engagement and influence. For instance, reframe the thought into something more empowering like, “I have valuable insights to share, and I’ll express them clearly.”

2. Active Curiosity

Practice empathetic listening by being curious about how others might be filtering information. If a colleague seems uninterested in your proposal, instead of assuming they are dismissive or that you have not done a great job, ask questions to understand their perspective. You might discover that their silence stems from their own filters and isn’t a reflection of your leadership.

3. Challenging Generalisations

Generalisations often lead to limiting beliefs like "I’m not leadership material" or "I always get interrupted." Start catching yourself in these moments and challenge those blanket statements. Replace them with more specific, empowering narratives like “In this situation, I will speak up clearly and assertively.”

Practical Steps for Owning Your Leadership This Week

Leadership visibility, confidence, and assertiveness are built one step at a time. Here are three actions you can take this week to ensure your leadership presence is clear and impactful:

1. Lead with Authority

Before your next meeting or presentation, decide to contribute from a place of authority. Drawing on your ability to delete distractions, focus on bringing high-value insights that elevate the conversation. Use direct language like "I recommend" or "In my view" to assert your leadership.

2. Seek Insightful Feedback

After a leadership interaction, ask a trusted colleague for feedback on how you came across. Did you delete important information? Did you distort the conversation? What can you do differently next time to refine your leadership presence?

3. Own the Room

Walk into your next meeting or presentation with the mindset that your voice and input are invaluable. Actively engage, ask powerful questions, and make your presence felt. Challenge any distortions or generalisations that arise in the moment.

3 Coaching Questions for Reflection

1. How do your experiences influence your current leadership approach, particularly in high-pressure situations?

2. Can you identify a moment when you might have distorted or deleted important feedback? How could you reframe that feedback to grow as a leader?

3. What steps can you take to challenge the assumptions or generalisations that might be holding you back from greater visibility and assertiveness?

By applying the principles of the NLP Communication Model, you can unlock more powerful, effective leadership. Every interaction is an opportunity to reshape your internal filters, show up with greater confidence, and own your unique leadership style.

As you begin to break free from limiting mental filters using the NLP Communication Model, it's equally important to stay intentional and accountable in your leadership. Explore my article, Are You Leading or Just Reacting? How to Stay Above the Line in Leadership to discover how you can operate with greater ownership and clarity.