Understanding the "Above the Line" Leadership Model

Leadership, especially for women in high-pressure roles, often means navigating complex situations that test both our patience and emotional intelligence. The "Above the Line" model offers a simple yet powerful way to check in with yourself when things get tricky — when your intentions or responses feel unclear or unclean. This model encourages us to stay in charge of our responses, take ownership of our outcomes, and move forward with accountability — without getting stuck in blame or excuses (aka, adults generally call excuses "reasons" 😉).

Think of the "line" as a threshold: when we’re "above the line," we’re proactive, clear-headed, and solution-focused. When we’re "below the line," we fall into reactive behaviours like blame, excuses, or denial. It’s important to recognise that throughout the day, we’ll naturally move above and below this line depending on the situation, our energy, and who is around. The key is developing awareness — checking in with your energy and intentions and making conscious decisions about how you show up, and spending more time above the line as you embed this model into your leadership and life.

I recently had a personal experience that highlighted how crucial this model is. While organising a family event, another family member became very upset with me, and we had several heated exchanges over the course of a few weeks. It’s easy in moments like these to blame the other person for "not listening," "being selfish," or "not seeing my side of things." But maybe we’re doing the same. Blame might feel good at the moment — like a little hit of righteousness — but it doesn’t change anything. In my situation, it was tempting to fall into old patterns and blame the other person, but that would have kept us in conflict and not have shifted the situation forward. Instead, when I reflected and worked to get back above the line, I was faced with opportunities to change the outcome.

Each time, I check in with myself: Am I above the line or below the line? Instead of reacting in frustration, I pause to clear my energy and intention before taking the next step forward. Visualising this model helped me avoid getting stuck on blame and instead take responsibility for the part I was playing in this situation, which ultimately improved the outcome. Let me be transparent; it didn’t magically turn into "sunshine and butterflies". She was still pissed off with me, but it allowed us to move past the angst and into purposeful action.

This model is life-changing because it shifts the focus from blame and excuses, which keep us stuck, to ownership, accountability, and responsibility.

Blame Versus Responsibility

It’s crucial to understand the difference between blame and responsibility, because they are very different things and lead to very different outcomes. Blame is about making others accountable for your discomfort, while responsibility is about recognising your part in a situation and choosing actions that move things forward. Blame keeps you trapped; responsibility gives you options. When you take responsibility for your part, you empower yourself to make choices that lead to better outcomes.

Blame is part of the model — but it’s below the line. The goal is to move above the line, where we have options and opportunities to move toward the outcomes we want.

1. Boundary Setting

A client of mine, frustrated by her team and family constantly encroaching on her time, initially blamed others for her constant exhaustion and burnout. Through our coaching conversations, she recognised she was playing a part in this dynamic by not clearly communicating her boundaries. It wasn’t that others deliberately didn’t respect her time. We teach others how to treat us, and in her case, she had taught them over the years by always saying "yes" and passively going along with what others wanted — mostly to avoid conflict. Initially, she thought it was easier to deal with exhaustion than to disagree with someone. They simply didn’t know her limits because she hadn’t set or communicated them. In fact, she had done the opposite and expected others to understand her limits without stating them. Once she started to take responsibility for her role in her exhaustion and burnout, she communicated more assertively and set clearer boundaries. Now, she practices a favourite mantra of mine: "My well-being is non-negotiable."

• Below the Line: You overcommit, say yes to everything, and feel resentful when you're stretched too thin. You might expect others to know how tired you are and blame them for not respecting your time.
• Above the Line: You recognise that boundaries are essential for protecting your energy and well-being, even when it feels uncomfortable. By clearly communicating your limits, you not only protect yourself but also model empowered leadership for others.

3-Step Action Process to Move Back Above the Line:

1. Identify: Check in — are you above or below the line in this situation?
2. Recognise: If you’re below the line, acknowledge what role you’re playing in the current outcome.
3. Act: Take one action to move back above the line, such as setting a boundary or having a difficult conversation.

2. Advocating for Yourself

Another client of mine struggled to advocate for herself. She believed her hard work should speak for itself and feared asking for what she deserved. During our sessions, she recognised that she had been operating below the line, blaming the organisation for not valuing her contributions. After gaining clarity on the part she had played in this situation, she took charge of her narrative and started proactively advocating for her work, even though it was initially uncomfortable. For example, she began keeping a weekly list of her accomplishments and actively shared these in leadership meetings and owned the part she played in her team’s successes instead of what she used to do, which was discount her contribution. She also scheduled a meeting with her manager to discuss her career goals and explicitly asked for specific feedback on how to advance. By taking these steps, she shifted from passively waiting to actively owning her professional growth.

• Below the Line: You wait for others to recognise your efforts and feel overlooked when they don’t. You might blame your workplace culture or leadership for not acknowledging your contributions.
• Above the Line: You take ownership of your career and actively advocate for your achievements. Recognising that no one will value your work if they don’t know about it, you proactively ask for what you deserve.

3-Step Action Process to Move Back Above the Line:

1. Identify: Are you waiting for recognition or assuming others will notice your contributions, and get frustrated when they don’t?
2. Recognise: What role are you playing in not advocating for yourself? Is fear or discomfort holding you back?
3. Act: Draft a conversation or list your achievements and schedule time with a key decision-maker to discuss your next steps.

3. Managing Workplace Stress

During a recent two-day women’s leadership training, one participant realised she had been operating below the line in her stress management when I shared this model with the group. She had accepted stress as an inevitable part of leadership, feeling helpless to change the fast-paced, chaotic environment. But after learning this model, she shifted her perspective and started taking charge of how she responded to stress.

• Below the Line: Stress feels like an inevitable part of leadership, and you believe there’s nothing you can do to change the pressure or demands. You might say things like, "It’s just the way it is," or "What can I do about it?" or assume you need to be available 24/7, even though no one has explicitly asked for that.

• Above the Line: You recognise that while you can’t control all the external stressors in your life, you can choose how you respond. Whether it’s making space for self-care, delegating, redefining success, or asserting clear boundaries, you take charge of your approach to stress.

3-Step Action Process to Move Back Above the Line:

1. Identify: Is your current response to stress proactive or reactive? Are you below the line in how you’re managing it, or not communicating your needs?

2. Recognise: What role are you playing in allowing stress to escalate or persist?

3. Act: Take one step to shift your approach — delegate a task, ask for support, set boundaries with your work hours, or prioritise self-care.

The Power of Owning Your Outcomes

When you operate above the line more often, you reclaim your power and your leadership. Blame and excuses, even graceful, convincing, well-thought-out ones😉, don’t move you forward. They tie your results to the actions of others, leaving you waiting for them to change, and experiencing frustration and resentment when they don’t. But when you take responsibility for your outcomes, and the part you play in them, especially the ones you don’t want, you reclaim your power. While it can be uncomfortable to realise how much influence we actually have, it’s also empowering to know that we can make the changes we need.

Coaching Questions for Reflection

1. Where in your leadership are you operating "below the line" — blaming others or situations for your results or non-results?

2. What is one area where you can take more responsibility to create the outcome or approach you want?

3. How will setting clearer boundaries or advocating for yourself improve your leadership presence?

Action Steps for the Week

1. Reinforce a Boundary: Identify one area where your boundaries need strengthening, and commit to enforcing it this week.

2. Schedule an Advocacy Conversation: Set up a meeting to advocate for your contributions, whether it’s asking for a raise or a new leadership opportunity.

3. Shift Your Stress Response: Pinpoint a stressful situation, and take one small action to change how you respond.