The Power of Mindset in Leadership

In leadership, your mindset is your secret weapon, especially when facing those conversations that make you shake in your gorgeous wedge boots! How you perceive and approach these challenging interactions can feel like mere window dressing, but honestly, it can be the difference between a productive outcome and an overwhelming situation you procrastinate on and lose sleep over!

Let's be real, tough conversations aren't always easy. I'm not big on toxic positivity, so let's acknowledge that these conversations can be downright scary. But they're also an inevitable part of leadership.

And guess what? The goal isn't perfection, it's progress. I've found that shifting my focus from desperately wanting to "get them right all the time" (super stressful!) to "having them sooner and better every time" has made a world of difference.

Understanding the "Principal's Office" Effect: Empathy in Tough Conversations

Remember that feeling of being called to the principal's office as a teenager? That knot in your stomach, the anticipation of being caught out, and the potential of being in trouble? Many adults experience a similar sensation before tough conversations at work. I like to call it the "Principal's Office" effect.

Like when I was in year 9 after our New Zealand excursion at my strict Christian Girls Boarding School, I was called to the principal's office after a group of us were caught hanging out with the security guard in the middle of the night at Milford Sound! I definitely had the 'principal's office' effect when I heard my name called over the PA that day. 'Jo Wise to the principal's office!'. It still makes me sweat!

But seriously, recognising this shared discomfort can be a game-changer. Empathy is your superpower here. It bridges the gap between you and the other person, fostering a more open and honest conversation. When you realise that both of you might be feeling a little uneasy, it opens the door to a more supportive and productive conversation. And it also reminds us that, as leaders, we're not perfect! It's okay to have things we're working on and improving. It makes us human.

Refocusing Your Mindset: Shifting from Anxiety to Opportunity

Now, shifting your mindset from fear and anxiety to seeing tough conversations as opportunities ... well, it's easier said than done, right? But it's totally doable!

Instead of dreading these interactions, start thinking of them as chances to strengthen relationships, clarify expectations, and ultimately make things better.

Practical Exercises for Mindset Shifts

• Visualisation: Picture the conversation going well. Research shows this can actually improve your performance by up to 23%! Close your eyes, imagine a positive outcome, and feel that sense of accomplishment. It's like a mental rehearsal for success.

• Positive Affirmations: Repeat phrases like "I am capable of handling this conversation with grace" or "I am a confident and effective communicator". Studies show that positive affirmations can reduce stress and boost your problem-solving skills.

These exercises aren't just about putting on a happy face, they're backed by science. They rewire your brain for resilience and help you approach tough conversations with confidence.

Identifying Key Strengths: Leveraging Personal Qualities

We all have unique strengths that we bring to the table. Reflecting on what makes you, you, can make all the difference in a tough conversation. Remember that time you calmly navigated a conflict with your team? Or when you clearly communicated a complex project update to your boss? Tap into those moments of success and identify the qualities that helped you shine.

I've seen this in action with my clients. One executive, who was facing a particularly aggressive CEO, identified her strengths as:

• Clear communication of complex information

• Empathetic leadership style

• Direct, no-nonsense approach

Focusing on these strengths helped her not only prepare for the conversation but also stay grounded during it, even when blindsided by her CEO's aggression.

So, take a moment and write down three strengths that you can leverage. Keep them visible as a reminder during those challenging conversations. If you're struggling to identify your strengths, don't be afraid to ask a trusted colleague or coach for feedback. Sometimes a fresh perspective is all you need.

The Power of Self-Regulation: Managing Emotions Effectively

Let's face it, tough conversations can be emotional. But staying in charge of your emotions is essential. It not only helps you stay focused but also sets a helpful tone for the interaction.

Tips for Emotional Regulation:

• Act As If: This is a powerful NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) model where you 'Act As If' you've already had the conversation, and it was a great success. Feel that feeling as you imagine how you walked into the room, the energy you conveyed, your body language, your tone, and how your behavior benefited both of you. This model isn't just about focusing on the positive outcome, it helps you access untapped resources within you.
• Power Pose: Find a private spot and strike a power pose for a few minutes. It's simple, yet within 2 minutes, it boosts your confidence (by increasing testosterone) and reduces stress hormones (cortisol).
• Energy Management: As a leader, your energy is highly contagious. Show up with energy that will support a successful outcome, such as a calm, positive vibe, and it can influence the entire conversation. We can smell stress, anxiety, and upset a mile away!

Conclusion: Building Mental Resilience for Ongoing Success

Developing the right approach for tough conversations takes practice. But by understanding the "Principal's Office" effect, refocusing your mindset, leveraging your strengths, and managing your emotions, you'll build mental resilience that will serve you well in all areas of your life.

Action Steps:

1. Reflect on a tough conversation you've had recently. How could you apply these strategies to improve the outcome?

2. Identify three strengths to leverage in your next challenging conversation.

3. Practice visualisation and positive affirmations daily to cultivate a resilient mindset.

Remember, tough conversations are opportunities for growth. Embrace them with the right mindset and watch your leadership impact soar!