In the demanding world of leadership, there is a common misconception that harshness and self-criticism are necessary for success. Many leaders believe that being hard on themselves will drive them to achieve more. However, research and practical experience show that self-compassion is a more effective path to achievement. By being kind and understanding towards oneself, leaders can foster resilience, motivation, and sustained success — and be shining role models for others coming behind them.

Debunking the Myth of Harshness

The myth of harshness in leadership culture has roots in the traditional belief that pressure and self-criticism lead to better performance. This mindset is often perpetuated by the competitive nature of the business world, where showing vulnerability used to be seen as a weakness. Thank you, Dr. Brené Brown, for your work on debunking the vulnerability myth for us.

However, evidence suggests that self-criticism can have detrimental effects on performance and well-being. A study published in the Journal of Personality found that individuals who engage in high levels of self-criticism are more likely to experience stress, anxiety, and depression, which can impair their ability to perform effectively (Blatt & Zuroff, 1992). Additionally, self-criticism can lead to burnout and decreased job satisfaction, further hindering long-term achievement.

When I bring this up with my clients initially, they often push back because they link being ‘harsh and self-critical’ to the results they have achieved in their career. But I explain to them that studies, my personal experience, and that of my client's question that approach and suggest that being self-critical and getting great results is like driving with the handbrake on. Imagine what could happen if they dropped the self-criticism and harshness and released the brake. Not only will their results improve, but they will not leak as much energy and will feel better about themselves. Worth a go, don’t you think?

Remember, as a leader moving up in the organisation, “What got you here, will not get you there!”

The Benefits of Self-Compassion in Achieving Goals

Self-compassion, on the other hand, has been shown to enhance motivation, persistence, and overall achievement. Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher in self-compassion, found that individuals who practice self-compassion are more likely to maintain high levels of motivation and are less likely to fear failure (Neff, Hsieh, & Dejitterat, 2005).

Research demonstrates that self-compassion fosters a growth mindset and resilience in the face of challenges. According to a study published in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin, self-compassionate individuals are better able to learn from their mistakes and maintain their motivation after setbacks (Breines & Chen, 2012). This ability to bounce back and persist through difficulties is crucial for achieving long-term goals.

Implementing Self-Compassionate Practices for Success

To integrate self-compassion into goal-setting and daily routines, female leaders can adopt the following strategies:

Practical Tips for Self-Compassion

• Positive Self-Talk: Replace self-critical thoughts with supportive and encouraging ones. For example, instead of saying, "I can't believe I made that mistake," try saying, "It's okay to make mistakes; I can learn from this." And it’s not just the words; remember the tone with which you speak to yourself speaks volumes! I once had a client who struggled with this, and we worked together to develop a kinder internal dialogue. Over time, she found that speaking to herself gently not only improved her mood but also her performance at work. Although this was uncomfortable for her initially, because it was what she had always known and had been modeled to her by her parents as a child, she recognised both the benefits and the initial discomfort was worth it.

• Self-Care Routines: Prioritise physical and mental health through regular exercise and adequate sleep. Taking care of your body and mind is essential for maintaining resilience and performance. Personally, I make it a point to start my day with exercise with my man, and do my best to meditate most days using Insight Timer, which sets a positive tone for the rest of the day. [And when I do I practise self-compassion and tomorrow is a new day.]

Techniques for Self-Reflection and Constructive Self-Assessment

• Reflective Journaling: Regularly write about your experiences, focusing on what you learned rather than what you did wrong. This practice can help you develop a more balanced and compassionate perspective on your achievements and setbacks. I remember a time when a significant project I worked on failed. Reflective journaling helped me process the experience and understand the valuable lessons it offered, ultimately turning a setback into a growth opportunity.

• Mindfulness Practices: Engage in mindfulness meditation to stay present and reduce the tendency to ruminate on past mistakes. Mindfulness can help you maintain a calm and focused mindset.

Creating a Supportive Environment

• Encouraging Self-Compassion Among Team Members: Promote a culture of self-compassion within your team by modeling compassionate behaviour and encouraging open discussions about mistakes and learning opportunities. I often share my own experiences of failure and self-compassion with my team, which fosters an environment of openness and support.
• Supportive Feedback: Provide feedback in a constructive and empathetic manner, focusing on growth and improvement rather than criticism.

Self-compassion, not harshness, is key to sustained success and fulfillment. By challenging the misconception that self-criticism leads to achievement, female leaders can embrace self-compassion as a leadership strength. This approach not only enhances personal well-being but also fosters a positive and productive work environment. Embrace self-compassion to navigate the challenges of leadership with resilience, motivation, and genuine fulfillment.

Powerful Coaching Questions

1. How do you typically respond to your own mistakes or setbacks?

2. What are some ways you can incorporate self-compassion into your daily routines?

3. How can you create a supportive and compassionate culture within your team?

4. What beliefs about harshness and self-criticism do you need to challenge in your leadership approach?

5. How can practising self-compassion help you achieve your long-term goals?

    

Enjoyed this article? Read this one: The Power of Self-Compassion in Leadership: Unlocking Resilience and Success

Discover how self-compassion, not harshness, can lead to greater achievement and well-being. Learn why being kind to yourself enhances resilience, motivation, and success. Practical tips and personal stories show how self-compassionate practices can transform your leadership approach.