In today’s fast-paced business world, the concept of gentle leadership has become increasingly relevant, though it is often overshadowed by more aggressive practices. Gentle leadership, characterised by kindness, is not just a nurturing approach but a powerful strategy for personal and professional development. This approach encourages a positive and productive work environment, where leaders are respected not just for their decisions but for their empathy and compassion.

The Role of Kindness in Leadership

Leading with kindness creates a work environment where employees feel valued and respected. Kindness in leadership involves understanding, empathy, and genuine concern for the well-being of others. It goes beyond mere pleasantries; it requires a commitment to doing what is right, even when it is difficult.

For example, Mary Barra, CEO of General Motors, is known for her empathetic leadership style. She prioritises open communication and creates a culture where employees feel safe to express their ideas and concerns. Barra’s approach has been instrumental in transforming GM’s corporate culture, leading to increased innovation and employee satisfaction.

The Difference Between Nice and Kind

It is crucial to distinguish between being nice and being kind. Being nice often means avoiding difficult conversations to maintain harmony, which can lead to unresolved issues and a lack of trust. In contrast, being kind involves addressing tough situations with empathy and respect, ensuring that the necessary conversations happen for the benefit of the individual and the team. Dr. Robin Stern, Associate Director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, emphasises that kindness involves honesty and the courage to have difficult conversations while maintaining respect and empathy.

Nice is dysfunctional and benign, while kind is constructive and courageous. Niceness prioritises superficial harmony, often leading to mistrust and avoidance of critical issues. Kindness, however, fosters genuine connection and growth by addressing issues directly and empathetically. Choosing kindness over niceness is essential for creating a healthy and productive work culture.

Kindness as a Leadership Strength

Kindness is a powerful leadership strength that fosters resilience and growth. Leaders who practice kindness can overcome setbacks more effectively and create an environment where team members feel safe to take risks and learn from their mistakes.

For example, a female leader coaching client of mine faced a situation where a team member made a significant error that impacted a major project. Instead of responding with criticism or blame, she chose to address the issue directly and empathetically whilst still keeping the team member accountable. She provided support and guidance, helping the team member understand the mistake and learn from it. This act of kindness not only helped the team member grow but also strengthened the trust and morale within the team.

Forgiveness as an Aspect of Kindness

Self-forgiveness is very important. Leaders often hold themselves to high standards and can be overly critical of their mistakes. Practising self-forgiveness helps maintain mental and emotional well-being, allowing leaders to move forward with clarity and confidence. According to a study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology, self-forgiveness is linked to lower levels of stress and higher levels of life satisfaction and emotional resilience (Wohl, DeShea, & Wahkinney, 2008).

Last year, I worked hard on a meaningful project that ultimately failed. As an experienced coach who helps female leaders create a stronger impact, failure is a common topic. I believe that all mistakes are learning opportunities if we are open to them. However, this particular failure really rocked me. I had to deliberately practice kindness and compassion towards myself on my good days and consciously and deliberately remind myself to be compassionate and forgiving on the not-so-great days. Through self-reflection, journalling, and conversations with colleagues and friends, I recognised deep-seated beliefs about failure that were not serving me. It was time to redefine and reframe failure. Now, I have a kind and resourceful definition that allows for the fact that I am human and will make mistakes in the future. Due to my self-reflection, I can approach mistakes from a place of forgiveness, growth, and opportunity relevant to this part of my career and life. Be mindful of the words you use with yourself and ensure your definitions work for you, not against you.

Practical Tips for Practicing Kindness

To integrate kindness into daily leadership practices, female leaders can adopt the following strategies:

Acts of Kindness

• Positive Reinforcement: Regularly acknowledge and appreciate team members’ efforts and achievements. This fosters a supportive and motivating work environment. If this is not something you do naturally, consider setting a diary reminder every week or fortnight to keep you accountable. Ensure your reinforcement is genuine and timely, recognising that some team members prefer private acknowledgment while others appreciate public praise.
• Active Listening: Make a conscious effort to listen to your team members’ concerns and ideas patiently and without judgement. This demonstrates respect and empathy.

Self-Forgiveness Practices

• Reflective Journaling: Encourage self-reflection through journaling. Write about your experiences, acknowledge your mistakes, and recognise the lessons learned.

• Compassionate Self-Talk: Replace self-critical thoughts with supportive and encouraging ones. Practice speaking to yourself with the same kindness you would offer to a friend. Refer to my other article: The Power of Self-Compassion in Leadership.

Forgiving Others

• Address Issues Directly: When conflicts arise, address them promptly and with empathy. Focus on finding solutions rather than assigning blame. 
• Promote a Forgiving Culture: Encourage a workplace culture where mistakes are seen as opportunities for learning and growth. This can be achieved through regular team discussions and coaching and training programs on emotional intelligence and resilience.

Exercises and Reflections

• Kindness Challenge: Set a weekly kindness challenge for yourself and your team. This could involve acts like writing thank-you notes, offering help to colleagues, or simply expressing gratitude.

• Forgiveness Meditation: Practice guided forgiveness meditations. These meditations can help you let go of grudges and negative emotions, promoting inner peace and emotional well-being. I use Insight Timer and recommend Sarah Blondin’s guided meditations for a feminine and compassionate approach.

Gentle leadership rooted in kindness leads to lasting impact and positive change. By adopting these qualities, female leaders can inspire and empower their teams, creating a work environment that values empathy, honesty, and resilience. Embrace gentle leadership not only to enhance your professional effectiveness but also to enrich your personal growth and well-being, making the journey of leadership fulfilling and transformative. And remember, you’ll feel a hell of a lot better while you are out there impacting the world!

Found this interesting? Dive into another great read: Self-Compassion Leads to Greater Achievement: Why Harshness Holds You Back and Kindness Propels You Forward

Explore why self-compassion, not harshness, leads to greater achievement in leadership. Learn practical strategies to enhance resilience, motivation, and well-being through kindness to yourself.