Introduction

Language shapes how we are perceived, how we show up, and how we lead. It’s a powerful tool that can either elevate or undermine our leadership. In fact, language can help us overcome, or perpetuate, myths and unhelpful behaviours that impact equality. It plays a crucial role in our journey toward achieving an equal number of female leaders across organisations, businesses, and government in Australia —my mission. For female leaders, the words we choose, or avoid, can significantly impact our ability to negotiate, assert ourselves, and advocate for what we deserve. Yet, so many women have been socialised to stay silent on key issues like money, achievements, and ambition.

If you don’t see an issue here but still feel resistance to using these words, it’s important to realise that this is an example of how subtle patriarchal mindsets influence us all. If you are not discussing these topics, you are buying into unhelpful strategies that keep inequality in place.

Let's break that silence, challenge resistance, and embrace these powerful words.

1. Talking About Money: Breaking the Silence

Many women hesitate to discuss money, whether it’s asking for a pay rise, setting salary expectations in a new role, or negotiating higher compensation in contracts. This reluctance is a direct result of social conditioning. We've been taught that talking about money is impolite, ungrateful, or even aggressive. But here’s the problem: when we don’t speak up, we’re not advocating for our value, and that directly contributes to pay disparity.

Real-Life Example:
One of my clients recently went for a new leadership role. When I asked how the conversation around salary expectations went, she was surprised - she didn’t ask because it felt like bad manners, and she thought the business would think she was rude. This belief, that discussing pay is inappropriate, stems from how many women are raised to be agreeable rather than assertive.

Insight:
This silence plays perfectly into patriarchal systems. If women feel it’s rude to discuss pay, businesses can offer less compensation and pay us less. Perpetuating the gender pay gap. According to a 2020 report by the Workplace Gender Equality Agency (WGEA), Australian women still earn 14.2% less than men on average, partly because they’re less likely to negotiate, discuss, and ask about their pay. Talking about money is not about greed or bad manners, it’s about claiming, owning, and asserting your worth.

Analogy:
You wouldn’t buy a car without discussing the price first. Imagine agreeing to pay for a car, driving it off the lot without knowing what you’ll be charged. Absurd, right? So why treat your salary any differently?

Action:

Normalise talking about money by preparing to discuss salary expectations in every interview or negotiation. Boldly ask for what you need without apology. You’re advocating for fairness, not asking for a favour.

Stat:
If women don’t negotiate their pay early in their careers, they can end earning up to $1 million less over their lifetime. Seems like a huge number, right? But think about it: you don’t ask about pay in your first role, so you’re likely offered less. When it’s time for your next role, you’re asked what you’re currently earning, and the pattern continues. Over time, this gap compounds with every missed negotiation opportunity, resulting in significantly less lifetime earnings.

Reflection Questions:

1. When have you avoided talking about salary, and what was that about for you, really?
2. What beliefs have been ingrained in you about discussing money?
3. How could openly discussing salary, money, and pay rises help you close the pay gap for yourself and others?

2. Celebrating Wins: It's Not Ego, It's Visibility 

Many women struggle to talk about their achievements or downplay their contributions to business outcomes. We’ve been conditioned to believe that celebrating our wins makes us boastful, arrogant, or unlikeable. Meanwhile, many of our male colleagues freely promote their successes without hesitation.

Real-Life Example:
Sanja Jovanovic, Regional Vice President at Arbonne International, once shared with me the term "ego-testical," which perfectly describes how some people talk about their wins in a way that makes everything about them, all the time. We don’t want to be that person, but the fear of coming off as egotistical often leads women to downplay their accomplishments. The truth is, if you’re not sharing your wins, someone else in your organisation, less skilled or qualified, will, and they will be reaping the benefits.

Insight:
Sharing your achievements is about visibility. When we don’t talk about our wins or the part we played in a project, we risk becoming invisible, and that invisibility can hold us back from leadership and career growth. Research from the University of Michigan found that women are 20% less likely to self-promote than men, even when their work is equally, or more so, impressive, but self-promotion is crucial for getting recognition, promotions, and new opportunities.

Coaching Insight:
You can share your achievements and celebrate your success in a way that feels authentic, even if it feels unfamiliar or uneasy at first. It might be challenging initially, but remember: if you don’t promote your wins, someone else will step into that spotlight, taking the credit, along with the pay rises and promotions that you rightfully deserve.

Action:
This week, share a recent success with your team or at your next leadership meeting. Frame it as a reflection on what you’ve learned and the impact it made, showcasing your value as a leader.

Reflection Questions:

1. How often do you downplay your achievements, and what is that about for you?
2. How do you feel about promoting your wins, successes, and achievements?
3. What are the potential consequences of not sharing your accomplishments with others?

3. Owning Ambition: It's Not a Dirty Word

Ambition ... for many women, this word brings discomfort. Ambition has been painted as aggressive or inappropriate for women, while for men, it’s seen as essential for leadership. As a result, many female leaders downplay their drive, especially in male-dominated workplaces.

Real-Life Example:
I’m running a women’s leadership program next year at a Melbourne-based business. One of the key issues we aim to address is that many female leaders hesitate to aim for senior positions because they fear ambition will be viewed negatively by colleagues and peers. In this company, there’s a widespread feeling that ambition is a "dirty word".

Insight:
This internal conflict comes from years of socialisation that tells women to be humble, nurturing, and cooperative, but not bold or assertive. Yet without ambition, how can we make the impact we want and that this world needs from you? We need to redefine the meaning of ambition as purposeful drive — a commitment to make a difference and lead from a place of authenticity. That’s what ambition means to me.

Practical Tip:
Start owning your ambition by framing it as a positive force. Ambition is about being passionate about making an impact.

Action:
This week, write down three things you’re ambitious about in your leadership role and practice stating them confidently. Get clear on how you can communicate these goals to those who make decisions about promotions. If they don’t know your ambition, they’re not going to act on it.

Reflection Questions:

1. How do you feel about being called ambitious?
2. Do you hide your ambitions to avoid judgment or criticism?
3. How can embracing ambition help you make a more meaningful impact in your career?

Exploring Resistance: What Language are You Avoiding? 

There are likely words or concepts you resist — money, power, ambition, or even rest — and this resistance often stems from societal conditioning, our upbringing, and learned behaviours. It’s not about blaming ourselves for avoiding these topics, but recognising the root causes and making a bold choice to move forward and get comfortable with your discomfort.

Coaching Insight

Take a moment to reflect on the words or ideas that make you uncomfortable. What are you avoiding? Could it be because you’ve been taught these concepts are impolite or unladylike (a word I refuse to use. Read my article about why I’ll never say "ladies" again.)? Reframing these ideas and creating definitions that work for you can unlock new beliefs about yourself as a leader.

Action

Commit to challenging your resistance. If you avoid talking about money or ambition, ask yourself why and practice leaning into that discomfort.

3 Coaching Questions for Self-Reflection

1. Where in your professional life do you hesitate to discuss money or salary? What might be holding you back?
2. How does your current definition of ambition align with your leadership goals? Is it time to redefine it?
3. How do you feel when talking about your achievements? Is there discomfort, and if so, why?

3 Action Steps for this Week

1. Prepare for your next salary negotiation or performance review by writing down clear, confident talking points about your value.

2. Share a recent win at your next leadership meeting or with your team or on LinkedIn, framing it as something you’re proud of and what it taught you as a leader.

3. Write down three things you’re ambitious about in your leadership role and practice saying them out loud until you feel more comfortable.

Conclusion

Reclaiming words that feel "taboo" due to gender bias, like money, ambition, and success, isn’t just a shift in language, it’s a shift in power. These aren’t just words; they’re tools for elevating your leadership. The more we push past discomfort, the more we allow ourselves to fully show up as leaders. Breaking through these barriers starts with your willingness to own your voice unapologetically.

Ready to Take It Further?

Now that you’ve explored the power of money, achievements, and ambition in redefining female leadership, it’s time to look at how language can either elevate or diminish your authority. Read my next article, Say My Name: Why the Words We Use Shape Female Leadership Power, and discover how everyday words like "ladies" and "girls" may be silently undermining your leadership — and how to reclaim your power with confidence and purpose.