If you're a woman in the workplace, you've likely encountered the tangled threads of guilt in countless conversations. From subtle messages in our upbringing to media portrayals of the "ideal woman," it's easy for self-doubt to creep in. Work pressures can amplify this, especially on tough days.

But let's re-frame our understanding of guilt. It's not inherently negative. In fact, for most of us, guilt can be a powerful tool for growth.

What is Guilt, Really?

Guilt is an emotion that arises when our behaviour doesn't align with our own expectations or standards. Notice the emphasis on your expectations and standards. This is where guilt often hits women hard.

The Two Faces of Guilt

• Healthy Guilt: This is the kind that serves a positive purpose. It's a signal that our actions might be misaligned with our values or have hurt someone. Healthy guilt motivates us to make amends, learn, and evolve.

• Unhealthy Guilt: This is excessive, misplaced, or irrational guilt. It's feeling responsible for things outside our control or carrying the burdens of others. Unhealthy guilt drains us and hinders progress.

Examples of Healthy Guilt (and How to Harness It)

• Scenario 1: You've been promoted and now lead a larger team. It's impossible to maintain the same level of individual attention you once did. You feel guilty, but this is healthy guilt signaling a need to adapt your leadership style to your new role.

• Scenario 2: Lack of sleep has left you less patient with your team or family. You feel guilty because you're not living up to your own standards of behaviour. This guilt prompts self-reflection and a course correction.

Banishing Unhealthy Guilt

If you're stuck in a cycle of unhealthy guilt, ask yourself these empowering questions:

1. What can I do now to strengthen my leadership mindset and feel more confident in my role? (Seek out mentors, training, or resources that can help you bridge the gap.)
2. How can I become more aware of my emotions and transform them when they're not serving me? (Explore journaling, mindfulness practices, or therapy to gain insights into your emotional patterns.)
3. What specific actions or thoughts can I change to reduce or release my feelings of guilt? (Identify the root cause of the guilt and address it directly. Sometimes, a simple apology or shift in perspective can make a world of difference.)

Your Next Step

Understanding the nuances of guilt is the first step towards using it to your advantage. By recognising the difference between healthy and unhealthy guilt, and actively addressing the root causes of your feelings, you can harness this emotion for positive growth in your leadership journey.

Remember: Guilt can be your ally in leadership. It's a signpost pointing toward growth and positive change.