Let’s get one thing straight. Confidence is not a personality trait. It’s not something you’re born with. And it definitely doesn’t arrive wrapped in a bow the night before your big presentation.

It’s built. Brick by brick. One uncomfortable, messy, imperfect action at a time.

And yet, so many incredible women in leadership continue to buy into the myth: “If I just wait until I feel more confident, then I’ll apply for that promotion / speak up in that meeting / set that boundary.”

Let’s bust that myth wide open.

The Leadership Trap of "Waiting Until You're Ready"

Waiting to feel confident before you act is like waiting for your muscles to get stronger before going to the gym.

It doesn’t work that way.

The more we hesitate, the more we reinforce the belief that we’re not ready. And for the mid-career women I coach - high-achieving, driven, and often quietly exhausted - this hesitation becomes a career ceiling.

They sit in meetings with brilliant ideas burning in their minds but say nothing. 

They stay in roles they’ve outgrown, hoping their work will eventually speak for itself (spoiler: it doesn’t). 

They fear being seen as “too much” if they speak up or “not enough” if they don’t.

This is not a lack of capability. It’s a misunderstanding of what confidence really is.

So, What is Confidence Then?

We’ve been sold a version of confidence that looks like swagger. Loud. Unapologetic. Charismatic.

But real confidence?

It’s quiet. It’s showing up even when your voice shakes. It’s having that difficult conversation even though you’d rather hide behind your inbox. It’s setting a boundary when people expect you to be endlessly available.

Confidence is not the result of waiting until everything aligns perfectly - it’s the outcome of courageous action.
 

As Katty Kay and Claire Shipman explain in The Confidence Code, “Courage comes before confidence. You have to show up and take a step - even when you don’t feel ready.” Confidence doesn’t precede action. It’s earned by doing the thing before you feel fully prepared.

The Confidence Reps that Actually Matter

In the coaching room, I’ve watched countless women grow their confidence - not by waiting for it but by practising it.

Here are a few of the reps they’ve committed to:

1. Speaking When It’s Hard

One client, a senior leader in government, used to freeze during executive meetings. Her voice was internalised ... until we practiced micro-moments of bravery. She started by making one point per meeting. Then two. Now, she chairs strategy sessions.

2. Asking for What You Want

Another client had been thinking about asking for a pay rise for 18 months. Through coaching, she built a script, rehearsed the delivery, and worked through the “what if they say no” fears. She asked. They said yes!

3. Setting Boundaries (and Sticking to Them)

A woman I worked with was exhausted from saying “yes” to everything - late meetings, weekend emails, extra work that wasn’t hers to carry. In our coaching sessions, we uncovered where her automatic “yes” was coming from - a need to be seen as capable, helpful, and likeable. Once she recognised this pattern, she began experimenting with saying “no” in small, manageable ways.
 

The shift wasn’t instant, but it was powerful. What she feared would make her seem unhelpful actually made her more respected. People began to take her time more seriously ... and so did she.

Still Think Confidence is Something You're Missing?

Let’s put the science behind this. A 2020 study published in Journal of Personality found that individuals who consistently acted confident, even when they didn’t feel it, experienced a measurable increase in actual confidence over time. The behaviour came first. The belief followed. [Source: Stieger, M., et al., 2020, Journal of Personality]

This is crucial for women navigating male-dominated spaces, where confidence is often interpreted through a masculine lens. You don’t need to fake bravado. You need to take action aligned with your values ... consistently.

3 Bold Actions to Take this Week

1. Where in your leadership are you currently waiting to “feel ready” before you act?

2. What’s one area where discomfort has been holding you back from speaking or acting?

3. If confidence was something you did, not something you felt, what would you do differently this week?

Want to Build this Skill Faster?

That’s where the Speak With Power Masterclass comes in. It’s a practical toolkit to help you find your voice, say what matters, and be heard - especially when it counts most. Think of it as confidence training with weights on.

And if you haven’t read it yet, my blog post Unleashing Your Voice offers more insight into how voice, confidence, and authenticity intersect in your leadership journey.

3 Coaching Questions to Guide Your Journey

1. Choose one brave thing and do it. Speak in a meeting, ask for the thing, or say “no” to the request that oversteps your boundaries.

2. Reframe discomfort as growth. Every time you feel uncomfortable, remind yourself: This is what confidence practice looks like.

3. Track your wins. At the end of each day, note where you acted with courage. Confidence grows through conscious recognition.

You don’t need to wait to be confident. You just need to act like a woman who knows she belongs in the room.

Because here’s the truth: You already do.

Want More?

If this blog lit a fire under you, you’ll love:
🔗 Unleashing Your Voice: Speak Up, Be Heard, Lead Authentically - your next step in leading with clarity and conviction.